Sunday, June 28, 2009

why would you want a cloudless sky?

Recently I am in to cloud watching. Clouds in Colorado are different than clouds in california. Here clouds are monstrous and billowing. I am fairly certain there are not only shapes in the clouds but entire stories, entire worlds mapped out up there. And really it almost takes your breath away. When i was a kid i always wished i could play up there in the clouds. I wanted to jump around on them like a trampoline and snuggle myself up in them like the worlds most gigantic pillow (which actually must be something that exists...and i would be very interested in it). I wanted to play hide and seek in them and grow old there. There is magic up there in the clouds. when the light hits them just right. Some part of me feels like the clouds are home in a way. and the truth of the matter is that i still want to play in them.

people who need people are the luckiest people

people are so very important. life is people.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


it bothers me just a little every time i come to my blog and see that the picture at the top does not fit in the frame the layout gives it! but...i really like the picture...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

thoughts on your thought.

if nothing ever pulled our attention away from everything we would know nothing at all.
it is not that we have forgotten "everything". we have just noticed something.

great expectations.

wonderful tree optical illusions
People are very rarely what you expect them to be.
most of the time they are better.
sometimes they are worse...
sometimes you knew someone and you wonder how they ended up the way they did.
and it breaks your heart a little because you knew how brilliant and clever this person was, and how much opportunity they should have had.

But sometimes people surprise you. and thats the thing about people. thats what makes them great.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Do you know what is remarkable? The way blowing bubbles can calm and cheer you at least a little bit, no matter what has gone wrong.

The world will always envy time goes by

To tell you the truth I thought it would be easier to be kissed...

as of today, june 22, 2009, it has been 21 years, 8 months, and 15 days. I am still waiting.

In the film "little Women" Amy says, "I have waited my whole life to be kissed, and what if i miss it?" I often feel that way.
Part of me is worried that I will miss it because I am too afraid. Afraid of kissing the wrong person or afraid of what it would mean to kiss someone. Not to mention, now that it has been so long I have built this kiss up a lot in my head and I want it to mean something. I think people have lost the value of such important romantic holding hands. or kissing. To so many people a kiss is not very valuable. it is something they give away to people who are nearly strangers. But that is not the way it is for me. As corny and silly as it sounds when i say it out loud, or write it down as the case may be now, I think a kiss is valuable. I think it is being vulnerable and giving away a part of yourself. I never want to be someone people can say, "who hasn't made out with her?" (A phrase I heard used the other day about one of my dear friends.) I want whoever the man may be that i let kiss me to know I am not doing it simply because I appreciate the meal he purchased me or because I think he is so attractive I just can't help myself, but instead because he means something to me and I care enough about this kiss that I will never regret it and I will remember, no matter what happens, who he is and why I gave a little bit of myself to him.

another reason i am worried i will miss it is the reason that makes me hate myself just a little bit (which is more than enough) for even acknowledging. i am afraid no one will ever want to kiss me. There is a small but powerful part of me that refuses to believe this, but the thought creeps up on me more steadily as time goes on because the truth of the matter is that I have no reasonable evidence to show that anyone ever will want me. No one has yet. How old do you think the average person is when they get their first kiss? i have a hunch it is a long time before they reach 22. My Gosh...i am going to graduate college and never even held someone's hand.

I wish I knew what it was that made someone like someone else. Or the reason no one has liked me. But I am not like other girls who would change themselves or pretend to be something they aren't. The fact of the matter is that i like who i am. I know what I want, and what i believe, and who i am. And I am very independent. I learned to be that way. I like that. I am happy. I like knowing that i can do it on my own...but that doesn't mean that is the way i would choose it to be.

i already hate this blog. it makes me feel like every other man-crazy girl i hate. but that doesn't make it any less true.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Stir CrAzY...

I am going insane. I have absolutely nothing to do. I hate that. I hate that I sleep until after noon. I need stuff to do. I need to have some adventures. I need to be busy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

the end.

Friday, June 12, 2009

a case of the empties

"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart." My So-Called-Life

I read this the other day, and then i couldn't get it out of my head. I feel like in some way i need this. I don't even know what the empty place is or why its there, but i am suddenly aware of it.
I guess i am just waiting for the something small...
it will come. i know it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Up Up and Away

This is a movie that makes you realize the beauty of your life and what it can be if you let it. Go see it. it is beautiful.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

to be...

sometimes I wish I thought just a little less. just a little mind you, but still.
sometimes I wish I thought a little less, and lived a little more.

The Long and Winding Road

Tomorrow is the beginning of my road trip. I am so excited. I am trying to be cooler than being this excited about it.....but I am just really not that cool. everytime i think about it i can't push the silly smile off my lips.

and on that note, one of my very best friends in this world gave me the greatest gift the other day. She made me a road book of all sorts of exciting adventures to have and questions to ask my road trip partner and just general wonderfulness. It is beautiful and my thanks are far insufficient. There aren't words to describe how overwhelmed i am by the gesture. i keep saying that this gift is like something you just always wish someone would make for you, and now I have it. and it is surreal. and To you my dear friend who made this for me, you are a wonderful friend and from the very deepest part of my heart thank you for the book and for everything else.

Love Letter

I think the world needs more love letters. Handwritten. A piece of your heart on paper for someone else. They should be written for no particular reason except to tell that person how much you love them. They need not be eloquent or romantic, just true and honest.
I received a love letter last night, it was from a friend.
and now the world just seems a little brighter and should it ever start to dim again i will just go back and read the lines and see the handwriting and know that I am loved.
the world needs more love letters...and i can help with that.