I was in The Most Massive Woman Wins. I was Carly. Carly is so different from me, but i will miss her. I am grateful for her. she helped me learn about me.
This show was, without a doubt, among the most frightening things i have ever done. It is in the top five for sure. At the end the four women in the cast have to stand on stage in their underwear. this is not something i am inclined to do. it never got easier.
But i am proud of myself for doing it. I am proud of myself for serving the story. and i am secretly thrilled that i had it in me to do it. I feel a little bit like i felt after i got my tattoo; like i had done something no one expected from me. no one would expect me, this shy girl, the one who rarely talks in class, and who occasionally avoids eye contact with people, and who doesn't really like to share, to stand on stage and disrobe. but i did.
but it wasn't bravery. I don't think i am brave. maybe i don't think there is such a thing as bravery. maybe there is only willingness. willingness to do impossible things.