Wednesday, July 7, 2010

the string around my finger.

sometimes I forget about romance...
of course this is the moment that anyone who reads this blog says, "LIAR! almost every other post on here is about romance of some kind!" and they would be right in saying that. I think about romance and love and relationship a lot, but i think of it in theories and in my imagination, but I frequently forget about romance as an actuality. I think i stopped thinking about it as something that could happen in my life. it is hard for me to think of it that way because i have always been so removed from it. At this point considering any romantic happenings actually happening in my life feels as realistic as considering that the next time my doorbell rings there might be an alien there. I wish this was an exaggeration, but it is not. I cannot even imagine being asked on a date because that feels almost otherworldly to me...and i have a big imagination.

anyway, all this to say that I think I am becoming something I don't want to be. I don't want to roll my eyes at romance. I need to remember these things. I need to remember romance. I need to remember it as a reality.

to protect myself from feeling hurt i usually try to make myself feel "above" romantic things. truthfully i will probably still do that to some degree, But i need to remember to be receptive to romance. I hope that someday i meet someone who tells me all sorts of cheesy lines (because cheesy is perfectly acceptable to me as long as it is sincere), and I hope I can take them all and enjoy them and remember them. And i hope they make me smile and laugh and I hope i let myself believe them.

i will remember romance. at least i will give it my very best shot. and if i forget, hopefully i will remember tomorrow.

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