Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I have loved you beautifully

i heard this song today on pandora. I was just listening to some music while i made dinner (which was quite delicious, thank you very much) and i was suddenly aware of the lyrics and i thought to myself, "wait, did that song really just say that!?" so i promptly went and looked up the lyrics. And it did in fact say that. I thought to myself that this was just a terribly sad song. Then i finished cooking dinner and ate and went on a walk with sue.
But i can't get this song out of my head. it is haunting me. I understand this song...in many ways, at many times i feel like it could be about me. And i do still think it is so sad.
but at the same time, despite the tragedy inherent in it all, no matter how many people i have not been beautiful enough for i think it has always been worth it to love them that beautifully. To love someone beautifully, at least to me, means that you love them so fiercely and with so much grace and acceptance of their humanity. You love them as a person. For who they are in that moment. for who they could be. for who they will be even if they never reach their full potential. To love someone beautifully reaches so far beyond the realm of romance. And yet, it is the romance part that stings so deeply. and it does hurt. beautiful love is risky...but if we don't try it, we miss everything.

"Beautifully" by Jay Brannan
Every time he goes, she dies
Every time she comes, she cries

He was her long, bright future
In the middle of a wrong, dark road
He loved her, but he wasn't too sure
If he could return the love she showed
When she said, my love extends
Beyond the realm of being friends
He kissed her head
And quietly he said

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

Well, ten thousand tears passed by
But she never let him see her cry
And he called up down one night
He said, let's get in the car and just drive

He talked a lot about loneliness
But why, she didn't know
And some song about Memphis
Was playing on the radio
She said, let's stop the car and slow dance
Won't you just give me a chance?
He took her hand
And hoped she'd understand

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

Well, she'll burn that bridge
And build a house
And swallow the smoke in her mouth
She'll feel the burn
And then make the choice
To put the fire in her voice

It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me
She said, how beautiful do I have to be?
When I look in the mirror, you're the only thing I see
And I have loved you beautifully

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