Monday, September 13, 2010

Try to remember the kind of september...

a little while ago a friend and I were discussing memory. We talked and laughed about the things we remembered and why our minds choose the things they do to hold on to. I have some very distinct and vivid memories of childhood which seem to me to be rather useless. I have no idea why i remember them. But then there are other things, such as singing "what i did for love" in show choir, that i have absolutely no recollection of. none. i still wouldn't believe we had sung that song except for the fact that i watched myself do it on videotape.

we mused about this topic for awhile, and then she mentioned that our brains can only hold so much. so many memories. She said that this is why older people can go on and on about memories from the past, but it is hard for them to remember more recent events. Their mind is simply full.

I feel a little bit sad about that.

I feel like during this time in my life, last summer in particular, I tried to store up every possible moment. Every sensation, every smell, every new thought, all the funny jokes and the way it feels when you hug me. I wanted to keep it all. I still want to keep it all. Anyone who knows me knows that i truly listen. I try to be fully engaged in the moment with whoever i am with. That is why i am good at remembering things people said and birthdays and lots and lots of moments in life. And i am glad i have all those things, all my shimmery memories. I need them.
I don't think there will ever come a time in my life when I am not going to want to save all the memories i can. I want to remember as much about this life as i possibly can, and it breaks my heart a bit to think that one day so many things will be gone, like that memory of "what i did for love".

But for now, i have heaps of lovely memories and moments to stop and revisit throughout the day. And I am thankful for them. and i always will be.

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